My Depression Is Ruining My Relationship

Team MyMuse - Sep 13, 2024
My depression is ruining my relationship, but I'm fighting to save it. If you're struggling too, dive into this blog for insights, strategies, and a little hope.

Note: This blog was submitted by a fellow Muser.

This blog is just something I need to get off my chest. I’m hoping that by sharing my story, it might resonate with someone out there and help them in some way. My depression is ruining my relationship. Mental health, especially depression, can take a toll on relationships, and boy, have I learned that the hard way.

Why My Depression Is Ruining My Relationship

So, here’s a bit of background. I've been dealing with depression since my teenage years. Back then, I was your typical “good” student—great grades, active in extracurriculars, always trying to meet expectations. But as I got older, reality hit hard. Especially as an Indian kid, you start realizing that life isn’t perfect, and family dynamics aren’t either. My parents, like many others, wanted me to excel. The pressure was intense, and I became the reason behind a lot of their fights, though they never directly said it to me. They’d argue behind closed doors, thinking I couldn’t hear. But doors don’t exactly block out everything, do they? I heard every word, and it crushed me.

I started slipping—my grades dropped, my performance in activities faltered—and the pressure only increased. My parents spent so much on my education, and in their eyes, I wasn’t delivering. The weight of their expectations was suffocating. To top it off, my friends, the smart ones I used to hang out with, seemed to move on without me. I was left behind, feeling inadequate and alone.

Fast forward to my early twenties. I moved to Delhi at 21 and found myself hooking up with people and using a lot of lubricant gel almost everyday, hoping to fill the emotional void. Now, at 25, I’m in what I consider the third love from the 3 love theory, and honestly, it’s a good one. But the truth is—I’m still depressed. And my depression is ruining my relationship.

I don’t have a large circle of friends, I go days without eating sometimes, and I struggle to respond to my partner’s love and affection. It’s like I know he’s trying so hard, but I just can’t meet him where he’s at. He’ll initiate intimacy, and I’ll brush it off with a “maybe later.” On our dates, I often barely touch my food, and I forget to do the little things for him, like buying gifts or planning surprises, which I used to be good at. And I can see the disappointment in his eyes. It’s there, clear as day, but I feel stuck. Like, no matter how much I want to, I can’t snap out of this rut.

What really stings is seeing how much my depression affects him. He’s patient and giving, but even the most loving partner has limits. I’m scared of pushing him away. So, for anyone out there feeling like their mental health is affecting their relationship, I want to share what used to work for us—and though it hasn’t been as effective lately, it could be helpful for you.

Challenges We’ve Faced

Communication Barriers
It’s been tough to talk about how I’m feeling because I don’t always have the words for it. My partner tries to understand, but there’s only so much he can do when I’m not expressing myself clearly.
Intimacy Issues
Depression doesn’t just hit your mind; it can impact your body too. It’s been a struggle to keep up the physical connection or wanting to use our Link remote-controlled massager, which makes both of us feel disconnected.
Emotional Toll on Partners
I know my depression weighs heavy on him. The emotional rollercoaster is exhausting, and sometimes I can see him questioning how long he can ride it out.
Codependency and Relationship Strain
There are moments when I rely on him too much to make me feel better, and that’s unfair. It’s draining, and it puts so much strain on our relationship.

Coping Strategies for Couples

These are some things that used to help us. I’m not saying they’re a cure-all, but they might be a good starting point.

Talk it out (even if it’s messy): Sometimes, I’ve had to push myself to say what’s on my mind, even if I couldn’t make complete sense of it. Just getting things out in the open helped us feel less distant.
Schedule quality time: We made it a point to plan at least one day a week where we’d do something we both enjoy. It didn’t have to be fancy—just us, together, being present.
Set boundaries around caregiving: My partner needed to remind himself that he’s not my therapist. I had to learn to not expect him to fix everything for me and focus on my self-care routine myself .
Seek professional help: Therapy helped me when I was younger, and it’s something I’ve been considering again to deal with my mental health in this relationship. Having a third party involved can help unload some of that pressure from your relationship.

Conclusion

So, there it is—my story, as raw as I can make it. I know that dealing with depression while being in a relationship. I’m living proof of that. But I also know that it’s not impossible to work through. Mental health is something that needs constant attention, both individually and as a couple. If you’re struggling like I am, just know you’re not alone and sometimes therapy and the best body massagers in India might be what you need. Prioritize your mental health, talk about it, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. You and your relationship deserve the effort.