Why Red Flags Are Hot—And How to Cool Off
Cherisha - Feb 27, 2025
Why are red flags hot? The bad texters, the emotionally unavailable, the walking red flags—we know they’re trouble, yet we can’t look away. Let’s break down why and how to finally snap out of it.
A toxic situationship? A partner who treats you like a side quest? The mysterious bad texter with a jawline sharper than your common sense? We see the red flags, we clock them, and yet—why do we run straight into the fire?
Welcome to the ultimate deep dive into why red flags are hot, why we can’t resist them, and how to break free before they set your emotional house on fire.
The Thrill of the Chase: Why We Love Red Flags
Ever wondered why red flags are hot? Let’s be real: red flags are spicy. They scream danger, and for some reason, that’s exactly what makes them so irresistible.
1. The Bad Boy/Girl/Person Effect
There’s something about the emotionally unavailable that makes us think we’re Netflix drama protagonists. The brooding one who only texts at odd hours? The one who “isn’t looking for anything serious” but gives you just enough to keep you hooked? Certified emotional rollercoaster.
It’s not that we want to suffer (…okay, maybe a little), but there’s a psychological reason for this: intermittent reinforcement. When affection is unpredictable, our brains treat it like a jackpot slot machine. The rare good morning text? A full-on dopamine rush. The radio silence? Well, now you’re spiralling.
2. The ‘I Can Fix Them’ Syndrome
Ah yes, the classic. You see the walking red flag and think: “Maybe they just need the right person.” Spoiler alert: they actually do. But that person is their therapist, not you.
Fixing someone with deep emotional damage is not your job (unless you have a PhD in clinical psychology, and even then…boundaries??)
But your brain, high on romance novels and K Dramas, convinces you that their tragic backstory means they just need love.
3. The Drama is… Lowkey Addictive
Who needs stability when you have chaotic 2 AM fights and the emotional gymnastics of decoding ‘K.’ in a text? You are well aware of all this, yet you stick around. Why? Because red flags are hot, and lowkey addictive. The unpredictability keeps things exciting—until you’re lying in bed, wondering if they actually like you or if you’re just another hobby between gym sessions.
Psychologists say that unstable relationships activate the same adrenaline responses as high-risk sports. That’s right: your toxic ex is basically skydiving for your nervous system.
How to Cool Off: Breaking the Red Flag Spell
Okay, so we know why red flags are hot. But how do we deprogram our love for toxicity and start making better choices? Buckle up, because it’s time for some self-reflection.
1. Romanticising the Green Flags
You don’t know why, but red flags are hot. You know what’s hotter? Emotional stability. But when you’re used to chaos, normal love feels…boring?
The truth is, it’s not boring, it’s just not giving you anxiety attacks.
The next time someone texts you back without a 72-hour delay, instead of thinking, ugh, too easy, remind yourself: this is basic human decency. Attraction doesn’t have to feel like surviving a war zone.
2. The ‘Would You Accept This from a Friend?’ Test
If your bestie told you they were dating someone who only calls when they’re lonely, emotionally negging them, and making them feel unworthy…would you be cheering? Or would you be plotting their escape plan?
Apply the same energy to yourself. If you wouldn’t want your friend suffering, why are you signing up for it?
3. Identify the Trauma Bonding Trap
Sometimes, we like red flags because they feel familiar. If past relationships—romantic, family, or even childhood—were unstable, drama might feel like home.
It’s not. You’re just used to it. Recognising that pattern is step one. Step two is choosing better, even when it feels unnatural.
4. Don’t Confuse Chemistry with Compatibility
Sure, the late-night conversations and undeniable tension are thrilling. But do they actually support your growth? Can you rely on them? Or is the chemistry just a pretty distraction from the fact that they lowkey suck?
Hot take: The person who makes you feel safest is the one you’ll build the best intimacy with. And nothing is sexier than being loved properly.
Red Flag Recovery Era
Now that you know why red flags are hot, it's time to do something about it. Let’s be real. We’ve all been there. We’ve all had a red flag phase. And sometimes, we need a little chaos to realise that stability is actually sexier.
So the next time a red flag slides into your DMs, try this: squint your eyes, look for the warning signs, and run. Or at least, don’t confuse dysfunction for passion.
Now go forth and romanticise green flags like they’re Henry Cavill in a period drama.
