My First Time Trying Orgasm Denial—And Why I Keep Coming Back (Or Not)
Swagata Deshmukh - April 30, 2025
Sometimes, orgasm denial is called tease and denial, edging, or even control play, but the core idea remains the same: You don’t get what you want right away.
Let’s get one thing straight: denial doesn’t always mean disappointment. Especially not in the bedroom. Orgasm denial is a deliciously twisted form of control and anticipation that’s all about riding the edge… but not going over it. Yet.
At first glance, it might sound like the world’s worst idea (“Wait… why would I not let myself or my partner finish?!”), but once you understand the power play and the science-y magic behind it, you’ll see why denial might just become your new guilty pleasure.
So, What Even Is Orgasm Denial?
For the uninitiated, orgasm denial is exactly what it sounds like—being brought close to climax, and then being denied release. It can be self-imposed or partner-led, used in solo or partnered play, and ranges from mildly frustrating to full-on crying-into-a-pillow territory.
And before you ask—yes, some people do it on purpose. Repeatedly. Enthusiastically. And they love it. Why? That’s the million-tingle question.
Why I Tried It
Let’s call it a mix of curiosity, lockdown boredom, and too many Reddit threads. Also, I’m a self-proclaimed pleasure enthusiast. I’ll try (almost) anything once if it promises to elevate the experience. Besides, I figured: I’ve mastered the quickie, nailed the slow burn, and perfected the ‘just one more time’ loop—what could possibly be left?
Turns out, not finishing might just be the spiciest spice.
Let’s break down why most people like it and do it without getting too sciencey (I’m not here to be your biology teacher, babes):
1. Builds anticipation: Like the slowest rollercoaster ride—but the drop? Unreal.
2. Deepens intimacy: Especially in partnered play. Trust becomes the main character.
3. Amplifies pleasure: When you finally finish, it can feel a hundred times more intense.
4. Power play potential: If you're into control, submission, or even a little mischief, it’s the perfect playground.
How Did It Go?
Well, you might have already guessed it, but it went well…and wet! I mean, who would have thought that not finishing would end up in one of the best finishes of my life? Sure, trying it with a partner was probably the key to my experience. I need to be stimulated in all possible ways, and I love a little control play. So, having my partner be the ‘boss’ and ordering me around was great. And just when I didn’t follow an order, he decided to punish me with orgasm denial.
A few days later, I tried to do it by myself and a massager, and the experience was okay since my brain knew I could finish whenever I wanted, but that’s probably just me. This works for most people, even when they are doing it solo.
Who’s in control?
Usually, one person plays the Denier (holding the control, giving instructions) and the other is the Receiver (following, reacting, begging). But you can switch roles. Or take turns. Or even play solo (yes, orgasm denial can be a solo sport—a very, very focused one).
In long-distance play, a remote-controlled massager or app can add a whole new level of delicious frustration. Imagine being on a video call while your partner teases you from 1000 kms away—controlling every vibration, starting... stopping... slowing down…
What does it actually look like in practice?
Orgasm denial can range from cheeky to downright diabolical. A few real-world examples:
In solo play:
Setting a timer and stopping when it goes off, even if you’re right at the edge
1. Using a massager on low intensity to build slowly, with breaks in between
2. Keeping your hands tied or off-limits (yes, edging while restrained is a thing)
In partnered play:
1. Telling them “not yet” when they’re moaning your name
2. Pulling away at the exact moment they’re about to tip over
3. Switching toys or positions just before climax
4. Using a remote-controlled massager (like Link or Dive) and slowly building the intensity… only to shut it off with a smirk
In power play:
1. Giving permission-based control: “You may not come until I say so.”
2. Incorporating it into punishment/reward systems
3. Making orgasm a reward earned through service, begging, or tasks
Basically: it’s foreplay. But weaponised.
